Finding Happiness

I just finished reading this great blog which got me thinking about the subject of happiness. It seems like so many people I know are struggling to "become" happy. I've noticed in myself and others there always seems to be some future event that will make us happy - a better job, money, a new boyfriend/girlfriend, living in another city, breast implants, a new car - the list goes on and on.

The state of happiness seems to be dependent on these events, not just happening, but happening in exactly the way we have it set in our minds. The lack of achieving these things is blamed for our unhappiness and the inevitable impediments to achieving our desires causes anxiety and depression which drain us of the very energy and enthusiasm we need to achieve these goals. Eventually the state of unhappiness turns into an excuse for self-destructive behavior as we find that being depressed about not having the life we want is much easier than actually taking the steps necessary to achieve it.

Even if by some chance one does achieve what they believe will make them happy, the joy often wears off very quickly and the person will simply think of something else that they don't have, but must get in order to find happiness. This seems to be the state of many, maybe most people today. We live in a society where cynicism is chic. If you are a happy person you sometimes even run the risk of being looked upon as fake, shallow, or even deceitful. It's difficult for many to believe that a person can actually be happy unless they are in a constant state of getting and achieving goals that are nearly impossible.

We all have had days when we wake up in a bad mood and everything seems to go wrong the whole day. Other days when we are feeling good our days seem to go smoothly with pleasant surprises. There are many psychological and spiritual principles which point to the same basic theme - a positive attitude results in good things happening to us. A negative attitude will result in negative things happening to us. There are several different explanations as to why this is true, but whatever the reason, I am convinced that this is true.

It's difficult to tell someone in deep distress about this principle. Sometimes our anger or depression have engulfed us to such an extent that "snapping out of it" isn't an option. Changing one's attitude is a constant process of evolving, not an instant fix to our perceived problems. When results aren't instantaneous, many will tell themselves that all this talk about positive thinking is nothing but mumbo jumbo or new age b.s. This is an instant gratification society and we all want our happiness to come like a bolt of lightning. A person will come in and sweep us off our feet, our winning lottery ticket will change our lives, a new hairstyle and wardrobe will make us the envy of others. When such goals seem totally out-of-reach one might turn to alcohol, drugs, food, or any other number of methods to feel better. But these solutions are like treating a tumor with a band-aid.

The unhappiness comes back and will keep coming back until we discover that happiness isn't something we achieve, it's a feeling which comes from within. It isn't dependent on something external. Instead it is something we learn to feel. Lasting happiness doesn't come from doing what we perceive others expect of us, nor does it come from impressing others. It comes from changing your attitude about what makes you happy. One has to learn to be happy right now, no matter what your life situation is. Most of the time the situations, or lack thereof, which we believe are preventing us from feeling happy are not nearly as important as we think they are. We've simply convinced ourselves that our problems control how we feel.

The irony is that if we didn't spend so much of our time focusing on how miserable and unhappy we were, that energy and time would be directed towards the things we believe we want in life and most likely we could achieve them. At the very least we would get much farther in getting what we want while happy than we would spending our time wallowing in unhappiness.

I'm not saying that this is always easy. It is a process one has to work on constantly. And many of us have varying levels of chemical issues which create even more of a challenge. But it has been proven that having a negative attitude actually inhibits the happy chemicals, while having a positive attitude promotes a healthy brain chemistry.

It may be difficult to start changing the way one thinks, but the more is worked on the easier it gets. Sometimes one has to pretend to be happy, even if they aren't feeling it. It might even feel like brainwashing, but if inundating oneself with "happiness" propaganda is what it takes then just do it. Life is far better when you're happy than when you're not. And contrary to common belief, being happy is not going to turn you into a lazy person who is content with just sitting on the couch all day basking in their state of bliss. A happy person is one who is motivated and has the energy to live life to its fullest potential while creating an enjoyable environment for all those around them.